Building a Bond with our Autistic Grandchild

A Journey of Love and Learning

Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s greatest joys. When your child becomes a parent, a new chapter unfolds—a little one to cuddle, spoil, and love with the same intensity you felt for your own children. I still recall squirming as a child under my grandparents’ enthusiastic kisses, yet now I find myself eager to shower my grandchild with the same affection. But what if your grandchild lives far away, visits only once a year, and is autistic? The journey to connect becomes a unique blend of patience, understanding, and cherishing fleeting, precious moments.

The Difficulty of Distance and Connection

Having a grandchild on the other side of the globe makes connection challenging. With annual visits, they can't know you as well as you'd like. This is compounded by the unique needs of an autistic child, who may not welcome physical affection. Our grandchild, for example, isn't always comfortable with hugs. However, we've seen progress—eye contact has improved, and his recognition at the airport warms our hearts.

As he becomes comfortable during visits, small breakthroughs occur. A sneaky kiss on the cheek or reaching for my hand while reading his favorite book makes my heart flutter. My daughter says his cheek pinches mean "I love you," so I welcome them, capturing these moments in photos before they fade.

Adventures Designed for Him

Like all grandparents, we dream of taking our grandchild on thrilling outings—shopping trips, visits to exciting places, or leisurely walks through lively malls. However, we’ve learned to adjust. A shopping mall, with its bright lights, loud noises, and crowds, can overwhelm him, often cutting our trips short. Instead, we choose quieter, open-air environments where he feels comfortable.

One place where he truly thrives is by the ocean, a passion he shares with both my daughter and me. Watching him navigate the rocks with the skill of a tightrope walker, racing to the water’s edge to sit and listen to the waves, is truly magical. These experiences are more than just outings—they’re chances to connect, to view the world through his eyes, and to share in his happiness.

Lessons in Patience and Acceptance

Our grandchild has taught us invaluable lessons in patience and acceptance. We've learned to adapt when he doesn't seek the attention we eagerly offer, and to cherish unexpected moments of connection.

When I asked my daughter how to connect with him, she advised:

• Bathe him with care.

• Prepare his favorite meals.

• Read to him when he’s calm.

• Let him lead you to his treat cupboard.

• Run with him along the seaside, where he feels free.

These small acts build trust and create memories that linger long after he’s gone.

Cherishing Fleeting Moments

Spending time with our grandchild seems to pass by in an instant. His visits conclude quickly, and soon he’s on a plane heading back overseas. Each moment is invaluable, each interaction a treasure. To maximize our time together, we are dedicated to understanding autism better. Through reading, watching, and listening, we are gaining insights into his thoughts and learning processes, enabling us to connect with him in ways that are meaningful to him.

A Grandparent’s Heart

Being a grandparent to an autistic child involves a journey filled with love, patience, and adaptation. It’s about taking things slowly, appreciating the little things, and celebrating small victories.

It’s about meeting him where he is, embracing his world, and finding joy in his unique expressions of love.

To other grandparents on this journey, my advice is straightforward: keep learning, remain open, and treasure every moment. The bond you create, no matter how different it may appear, is an invaluable gift.